Things to know before I share the story behind this picture. 1. I have never been written up in my whole entire life. Not once. Like seriously never. 2. As a youngish person in a small state where there is half a degree of separation between people, I take my reputation quite seriously. 3. At the same time, over the years, I’ve learned you have to articulate your needs or concerns if you want those things addressed. It took me years to get to this point so I know not everyone is there. Sometimes folks need support and others want to give voice to their feelings in different ways. 4. I’ve learned to give fewer fucks as I get older. If I intimidate you with the truth, baby that’s a you problem. If I “make you look bad” without ever saying your name, you need to do some soul searching. If I make you feel small with my words, you are already tiny.

Ok, so this picture. I took this picture at an elementary school days after being written up at work. I was written up for sharing concerns about my workplace in a staff meeting. I was told I lowered staff morale despite my comments being about low staff morale. I was told I made people at the top look incompetent despite the significant levels of mismanagement at the top resulting in significant staff turnover. I was told I had no right to speak up for other people because they should have spoken up for themselves despite my getting permission to share concerns from people who were fearful of losing their jobs. Oh, by the way, this event did in fact result in me losing my job.

Imagine seeing the words “If I stand up for others, they are not alone” and “I can make a difference if I see someone being treated unfairly” and “I can stand up for others” after being told I can’t make a difference and I can’t stand up for others. Imagine seeing these words as soon as you walk into an elementary school where the kiddos are learning the value of trust in themselves, their peers, and the staff. The kiddos know they are respected and cared for no matter what. I saw a child having a hard time regulating her emotions and an administrator came out of the front office to hold her hand and talk to her. A child was working on a math project in the hallway on the floor and when other students walked by, they encouraged each other to be careful so as to not disturb her.

Not a single action was taken on a single item brought up in this meeting until the day I was written up. My write up was the first action. Within weeks, I was no longer employed. This was the second and final action during my employment. The children at this school could offer some real lessons in honesty, accountability, compassion, action, and the list goes on. This school reminded me calling yourself a leader doesn’t make you a leader. Those children who watched out for the young lady doing work in the hall were leaders. The administrator who helped the child regulate was a leader. The kiddos who believed it was important to put these words on this wall for all to see when they walked in are leaders. We need more of those kinds of leaders. We need fewer people calling themselves leaders who just show up to places for photo ops and more people who are taking the photos of the people doing great work. We need fewer people who want to see their faces on the wall and more people who prop up the people keeping people within those walls. We need fewer people making their living off the backs of the people who do the hard work day in and day out without being properly compensated. The nonprofit world needs a real come to Jesus about living their mission, vision, and values. You don’t care about families if you don’t offer paid parental leave. You don’t care about your staff’s mental health if you know the salary you provide forces them to choose between paying for food or rent. Working off the clock is not “just what you have to do” as a salaried employee. Wear and tear on your car for work travel is not just part of the job. Cutting professional development budgets and increasing salaries for the top paid staff is not a good look. Saying there is a hiring freeze because of finances is ok if you aren’t spending thousands upon thousands of dollars to contract out work at a lower rate. Looking for an outside vendor so you can avoid paying people internally and giving them a chance to exercise their expertise is just rude.

My MPA program taught me so much and there are a few mistakes I will never make again. 1. After learning how to read nonprofit financial statements and tax documents, I learned a phrase I still say today. Show me your budget and I’ll tell you your values. I will never again work for an organization whose values are not in alignment with the financials. If you hide them, these public documents, that tells me even more. 2. If I look at your social media and it looks like you have a staff of 5 when you employ 20 times that, this tells me more than you ever could. 3. If professional development is not an intentional part of the benefits package, you’re not for me. I don’t just mean reimbursing me for 1 credit a semester. I mean, real professional development. 4. If your employee handbook, doesn’t provide specific policies on the thing you specialize in, I’m not sure that’s the place for me. How do you work at Verizon if you don’t get a discount on Verizon services? How can you work at a daycare and not get access to childcare? How do you work at a school and not get to take advantage of the classes offered? How do you work for a summer camp and cannot afford to have your child attend? If I’m helping someone apply for social services and simultaneously working on my own application because I need the same services, something is very very wrong. 5. If you are a nonprofit “leader” and you don’t know how nonprofits work, that’ll be a no for me.

No amount of wishing, hoping, believing, or speaking up will change some people or organizations. Sometimes the values espoused in a mission statement are just words. Some people do nonprofit work for the applause and accolades. They do it because it makes them look good. Do you, boo. I refuse to work with those kinds of people anymore. I’m so grateful for every experience I’ve had no matter how it’s ended. Each of those experiences has made me a stronger person. They have made me a more confident person. They have helped me shift and shape my why. They have made me believe in the person I am and trust in the person I’m becoming. I have value. I have purpose. I will make a difference. I will stand up when I see people being treated unkindly. I will support those who are afraid to speak up. I will encourage them to use their voice, but I will not be intimidated into not using mine when it helps. I will not be dismissive of other’s concerns. I will hold myself accountable while holding others accountable. I truly believe everyone has value. I will not let others dim my light because we all deserve to shine.